Wow, it has been 2 1/2 months since I have wrote anything! It has been a busy time for me and my family. First, I did finally write the letter to my sister in CO. I picked a beautiful card(blank inside) and wrote her a letter about how I want our relationship to be and that whatever is in the past is just that, the past. I asked her to join me in starting over with a clean slate and not hold the past against each other. Along with this note, I also included a necklace that was engraved with Sister. As She never replied to my facebook message requesting her address, I sent the package to my mother's address and asked er to make sure she received it. After tracking it, and knowing it had made it, I called my mother and asked her if she had given it to my sister. She said she had and that sister had said that she was going to call me to thank me for it. I sent the package in late May/Early June. I still have not heard a word from her. I do know she has been following me on Facebook, as she told my mother that we took Jody to Disneyland on the 6th. I haven't wrote anything to my mom yet. I really don't know what to say to her, every time I think I am ready, something else happens that makes me just want to cut all ties from her. The latest of which is her not calling to see how I was doing after a recent outpatient procedure but calling to tell me that my brother-in-law was in an accident in his truck. We were on the phone for a good 1/2 hour and not once did she feel the need to ask how I was doing. I will get into the procedure and how I am doing in a minute. It is really hard to respect someone who has no respect for themselves or others. It is hard to form or keep a relationship with a family member just for the sake of "family". I know for a fact that my child(ren) will never again be around her unless she makes some major life changes, but SHE has to be the one that wants the changes, I can't do that for her. Alright, she has occupied enough of my brain space and blog space for today.
Most people were not informed of our latest pregnancy. We only informed those that we felt needed to know and a few close friends. We found out super early (3 wks 4 days) and waited until we were close to 6 weeks to tell anyone. We wanted to wait longer but with a 9 yr old around, it was hard for Mark and I to hold a conversation to discuss Dr appt's and what not without her figuring out something was going on. Unfortunately, the baby stopped developing at 6 weeks and I went in for a D&C on June 29th. I talked to both my mother and my grandmother the day before. the next time I heard from my mother was a quick text message on my birthday. then nothing until 3 days ago when she called to tell me about my BIL's accident. The week leading up to the procedure, I was a wreck. I didn't want to get out of bed. I had to force myself to eat, and I had to put on a brave face for Jody. Thankfully, I have an amazing little girl who was totally okay to spend the days laying in bed with me watching tv/playing on the tablet. She also made sure I was eating at least once a day. I thank God everyday for blessing me with such an amazing child. I cannot wait to see what he has in his plans for her!
The 29th finally came and I was an even bigger wreck. As soon as we dropped Jody off at our friends house, I couldn't stop the tears. Not only was I going to to have the D&C, it was our first time leaving Jody with someone other than family (she has gone to a couple friends houses for sleepovers and such, but never a babysitter). I don't remember much about the rest of the day, other than the hospital being cold and crying a lot. I had come to terms with losing my baby but the idea of being put under anesthesia freaked me out! My Dr kept coming by to make sure I was okay and saying how sad I was, even after both my nurse and myself told her it the the procedure that had me freaked out. Anyway, i made it through and came home and slept for the rest of the afternoon/evening and most of the Saturday following. I slowly started getting energy back and was able to enjoy breakfast out for my Birthday on Sunday, followed by some shopping. We are now 2 weeks out, and I am back to normal. Every once in a while, something will trigger a sadness in me but I just try to remember that God needed my little angel for something bigger and better than this world and that one day I will see him/her again.
I also have done 2 craft faires in Lockwood. The one in June was very slow and I did nothing as far as sales. I did meet some awesome people that day though. I did the 2nd one yesterday. I got to see said awesome people and a few others. I even saw some that I have not seen in years! From a business standpoint, I did pretty good! I also made some more contacts and met someone who I think could be an awesome inspiration and mentor for me! She taught me a bunch of tricks yesterday just in the time we were talking!
I have been lacking in Bible reading lately, mostly I think because I read it, don't always understand it but don't have anyone to discuss it with. I think I need to find a "study buddy" that can keep me on task!
I feel like there is more I need to write but words are not flowing anymore so I will say goodbye for now. Hopefully it won't be 2 1/2months before I update again!
Larissa :)
