Wow! Life has a way of keeping me busy! Between work and the kid, I barely have any time to do anything! It has been over a month since I have been here to update! School has started back up, which means early mornings for me and Jody! She is great at getting up as soon as I tell her (usually) and getting ready for school. Me, on the other hand, I really don't want to get up at 6:30 am! She started Middle School this week! We put her back in private school and will likely keep her there until High School. She is playing Volleyball and will continue in her dance classes as well!
Now to the "fun" stuff. Shortly after my last post, someone read the post and then went to my "mother" and told her about it and she got mad that I was writing stuff about her. Well, guess what? I am about to write some more about her! She decided that 11pm on a work night was an okay time to text me, even after I told her it was late and I have to be at work early the next day. She told me that I was not to write about her on the Internet. I told her it was my personal blog and my way of expressing emotions that I need to work through. She decided to keep arguing about it through text, rather than being an adult and asking when she could call to talk about it. I had had enough and told her that I will continue to write on my blog and that if she didn't like what I wrote not to read it (I didn't know at this point that she was just going on what someone said and that she hadn't read the post herself). She just kept telling me to stop writing about her. I then told her that I was not changing who I am, and will continue to write to express myself and if she didn't like the person I have become (someone with a backbone), then she need not concern herself with me. She then told me to enjoy my life alone! (Yeah, I am so alone.....) so I decided there that if she cared so little, then I was done with her. I told her she would never see/hear from me or my child(ren) again. I was done. I got a final text from her that said "if that's the way you feel". I learned about a week later that she was telling everyone only part of the story and making it seem like she had no part in me saying I was done. I cleared that up real quick!
It took me a few days to really work though all of this. I called a good friend/mentor and talked to her quite a bit about it and some of the stuff that happened as a child that I am remembering randomly. Her suggestion was that I should seek out a counselor (which I probably should). Just talking to her and saying these things out loud, made me really question things from my past, and helped me really look deep down and decide if I was really doing this for the right reasons.
In the past month, having NO contact with her, I have noticed a couple things. First, I am happier, I don't cringe when my phone rings thinking it is her calling to inform me that one of my sisters is doing something I don't approve/agree with or calling to complain that she has no money to buy her meds or cigarettes and wants me to send her some (because we are swimming in it over here (I wish!)) Second, I have noticed that I have more patience with my daughter and husband. I am not stressing over her issues, instead, I am on the floor playing applegrams with Jody or cuddling up with my love to watch a movie. I am starting to see the positive things in life, rather than the negatives all the time! The other day, I called my Grandma's phone to see how she was feeling and update her on Jody. My "mother" answered and I didn't engage, I just hung up. She knew it was me calling (it is gmas cell phone with caller ID). I then proceeded to go off on some random stranger for taking a parking spot I had stopped at (with my blinker on) and was waiting for her to pass before turning and she just pulled into the space. I knew that I shouldn't have said anything but I was already upset just from hearing her voice. What part of "I want nothing to do with you" was unclear?
Anyways, Definitely am looking into finding a therapist to hopefully put the past behind me!
I am almost finished with this semester of school! I have 2 classes to finish and I will be done! I am off to spend some time with my love before bedtime, 6 am comes super early!
Larissa
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